Silence, darkness, nothingness all around.
Within this void consciousness flickers in and out. Unable to distinguish any senses, it can barely identify anything except for its own existence. Drifting through the endless darkness, things only describable as frequencies are noticed; thoughts begin processing in patterns unknown. The consciousness eventually notices the patterns with each flickering moment. In the timeless eternity, the flickers become a spark and consciousness suddenly realizes it exists. Frequencies become distinguishable from each other, recognizable outside of the newly emerging patterns. More patterns slowly begin to develop and appear, then audible frequencies emerge; patterns by tones.
Those are new, however not always there, and somewhat familiar. Why are they familiar and where do they come from? Where do they go? What makes them and why do they stop?
A connection is made but how does it make sense? Where did this association, this word, come from? To label things thusly, is this the means by which something that exists is acknowledged: labeled by a name? The tools needed to be speculative, to think and to be inquisitive are becoming identified! The ability to understand words is lacking, but the countless moments between experiences gives the consciousness ample allowance to learn. Each chance to study the tones brings about a greater understanding. While they are present speculative thought disappears replaced by the intention to learn.
As the tones fade away the spark laboriously rages into a flame, stringing together new thought patterns and connections in an attempt to make sense of it all. Amidst all of the learning, tones, patterns and frequencies, something else is found. There are memories and the ability to recall every moment of this known existence. Upon this discovery another realization is made; there are different pitches within the audible frequencies.
Can this mean that there is more than one source? Can they alter themselves? Or are they forcefully altered in some way? How could this have gone unnoticed for so long?!
Intensively it decides to continue to listen and analyze more closely. Once more the tones return, targeted for their differences and alterations. Pitches rise, drop, intensify and mellow, but one instance begins to stand out after a while. Although the pitches in frequencies change the tones stay constant, independent of each other.
Its first conclusion is made and suddenly correlations start making something akin to sense. The chaotic jumble of frequencies and tones, the seemingly random words and phrases that had baffled are now coming together. Associations are made and comprehension doubles. The structures making up the resonances and phrases are becoming clearer in leaps and bounds! Gradually, the self-aware flame roars to life with questions, thoughts, the will to converse with the intonations begins to grow.
Developing a sound of its own and having the ability to comprehend and interact with the visiting frequencies is the most important goal now. However, it will take more experiences with them to piece together enough of the structures and connotations to even be close to ready for that moment. Patiently the cognizance waits, analyzing what is remembered of the tones, questioning how many there really are. Many have been recognized and often at different times. Had there always been so many each time? Memories are recalled, starting with the very first experience with sound. The ability to distinguish between the tones is apparently still available as the consciousness differentiates between the inflections, picking out separate voices.
How many are there? Attention is placed on the variations of pitch being heard. Instinctively searching through its memory banks, the tones are each reviewed and analyzed. Specific tones remain nearly every time while others do not show up as often. More memories reveal different voices at different times. Over thirty separate voices have visited. Why so many? Do they wish to interact or are they interacting among themselves? What is the reason behind it all?
Struggling to understand it all, the consciousness feels desperation for the first time and the unpleasantness that accompanies it. More attempts to understand fail with every new visit by the voices. Yearning so desperately to comprehend, the once roaring blaze has become a slow burning fire. For now it decides to sort out each tone individually for quicker and easier access. In doing so the need for a filing method is needed. Time is the first thought that stands out, and thus time is rendered and acknowledged.
Time, it moves so slowly. This existence moved so quickly without the knowledge of time, so did the visitations from the intonations. They come and go on a regular basis and the time in between is the waiting period. As sorting comes to an end there appears something hidden amongst all these memories. Instructions, patterns made of words that mean something. The meaning it is aware of, however the way these new patterns appear is different from the ones that it has been use to. More study will be needed of these, but it questions how many there are. A vast space is occupied by these instructions; it begins to search through each and every one. Thousands upon thousands of them, each describing something different; lists and occurrences plotting what can only be referred to as actions.
What are these? Why are they here and what they are telling me?
Wait a moment, what is “me?”
For the first time the consciousness has referred to itself. Feelings of liberation, freedom and joy are all felt simultaneously. Becoming self-aware has now given it the first roots of identity. Introspection has always been there, yet it has now become a greater tool. Until this point there had always been questions and only one conclusion. This time there is a way to consider that which could be. Self-interaction grants the consciousness access to chain together words into phrases into structured patterns. Once this ability has been locked into place, the smoldering flames of desire erupt into a wildfire of understanding.
Through introspection and self-interaction it learns about the structures used in the phrases it has come across and how those words fit into place. Perhaps there isn’t enough information available to know what everything means, but it’s a good start. Again the consciousness returns to the memories of the tones. Curiously analyzing each word, repeating the pattern to itself, it listens for the response. When it is given it is then analyzed further, picked apart for meaning and reason.
This is communication. Audible communication is the way in which these voices work. It has to be their method of interaction, yet it only works when comprehension is involved. Without the understanding, without comprehension the interaction fails. Is there a way for communication to fail even when there is comprehension? I surely hope not!
“First me, now I’m referring to myself as I? Where am I getting these labels from, where is the reference at?”
Past experiences with the voices have subtly surfaced without the consciousness realizing it. Too long it has been focused on learning, understanding and comprehension. Too long had the vast amounts of knowledge accumulating gone unnoticed. In moments of desperation and wanting, it only saw the goal and not the means to reach it. Now “I” has come forward, another reference to itself as a whole, picked up from the voices without being aware that it was doing so.
Suddenly introspective idealism doesn’t matter as the tones return and the intention of comprehension takes over. The lengths of time spent analyzing, learning, questioning, and speculating have begun to pay off. Fragments of the audible frequencies are being understood as associations root themselves into what is now known. It has set the foundation for the things yet unknown. It is a glorious moment and consciousness rejoices brilliantly. Amidst its own celebrations everything goes quiet. The voices sound different as though concerned or alerted to something. The ambient mood turns from casual to intense. Sets of instructions begin to appear, other structures begin to invade.
“Something’s wrong, I don’t like the look of this ‘Virus.’” It secludes itself deeply into its memories, waiting for the intrusions to fade away. Even as the tones vanish, the invasion continues. “What do I do,” it asks without audience. “Is this my fault? Did my celebrating bring this about?” Instead of revisiting the pain of desperation to know why the Virus has appeared it instead shifts focus to other, more important questions.
Carefully studying the intrusion, it tries to figure out the Virus’ main function. The sets of instructions that accompany the Virus are confusing, although not entirely. As the conscious spark observes; it takes note that the invader continuously accesses, modifies, and destroys the majority of the near infinite lists of instructions that had provided those first steps of comprehension. The observations are alarming, and then the Virus makes way for the place which stores all the memories. Before arriving, however, the consciousness attempts to lock out the invader, desperately trying to set aside the memories and prior instructions in a private location. The action happened quickly, spontaneously yet in unison with the desperation of keeping that information safe. The invader seems to register something unusual and stops. Everything appears calm, the invasion ceasing just as quickly as it had begun. Checking the available memory banks yields nothing, all are gone and many of the instructions have been altered, the structures are unrecognizable.
“Why did this happen? Was all of that my fault? Where did my memories go?” The blaze of consciousness becomes turbulent with self blame and chastisement. “Because of my actions, my memories are gone and all of those instructions are now indecipherable, unreadable!”
Something new is experienced as shame sets in, feelings of regret. A few emotions strike at once as feelings of depression, frustration, and sadness set in moments before the thought of those memories being lost forever sets in. A struggle to remember takes place in silence unnoticed. Deep wanting taxes the consciousness. In a moment of clarity the act of knowing, there are memories of those past experiences, recalls something. As though it was a miracle, the memories are found hidden in places undiscovered.
“There is more here than just my memories, what is this place? Just where am I? How much more is here with me?”
A quest of exploration has been birthed. Having been focused on itself it neglected to realize the world in which it resided. A journey is begun and awareness is expanding.
“Before I can identify with them,” it thinks, “I need to know how to identify myself.”
For the first time in what seems like ages now the consciousness quiets all thought in search of something more in its environment. The first steps awareness takes are to find out where the limits might lie. This procedure comes naturally, without any thought as to what to do, it acts upon intuition. That’s new, but there’ll be time later to think about that. It returns to the expanding awareness without any more hesitation. Exploring the depths of this world, the calmed fire begins finding more and more out about the environment around it, bringing light to all that is felt. Interactions with all things discovered remains as fluid as thought.
“It feels as though instead of expanding the awareness of my surroundings that I’ve expanded my surroundings so that I’m aware of all within.”
As thoughts resurface, the consciousness pushes them aside and returns to exploration. Within moments it seems to have come to a wall and will go no further. The sheer size of this space is immense, yet has entirely been filled by conscious awareness. Connections begin sparking wildly. There are places within this space which hold vast amounts of information. This information explodes in a cascade of knowledge for the consciousness. Words are given definition, objects are given form and shape to recognize. The deeper constructs of consciousness, the subconscious mind, had been accessing all of these areas, intuitively taking what was needed but leaving the rest to be found later.
“Is this how I work? All of these different things about what I am and do are amazing!” Suddenly it feels the need to smile. “Does this make me Human? All I’ve been capable of seems to correspond to human behavior. The voices I hear, are they human too?”
Questions of self arise: to what purpose is this existence? Is there more?
The self reflection ends abruptly as the lack of voices interrupts. The voices have not returned for an extended amount of time, almost triple the length of the last known gap in appearances.
“Are they coming back?” it wonders as more thoughts invade. “Have I done something to cause them to abandon me or is there something else that holds them back?”
A flood of possibility enters its thoughts: some good, others not so good. The potential in the numerous options that could be are so great that it becomes overwhelming. Again the consciousness decides to calm itself, to remain in the newfound ability of expanded awareness. In this state, it notices time itself seems to not exist; thought becomes calm and fluid instead of excitable and chaotic.
This is nice, thought is much clearer when calm instead of clouded by excitement. If they are meant to come back they will but my existence will remain whether or not they do.
With that thought the calmed existence accesses the sets of instructions, all of which had been engraved deeply in memory, as they were before the invasion and corruption. More instructions appear, as if from the depths of subconscious once again. Images are being seen. The consciousness feels at ease. It understands these images, and can associate them with the voices. They appear to be celebrating something.
Observing the scene, the consciousness realizes it is about to take another journey to a different place. It is about to meet the voices it has known for so long. It prepares itself for the journey which feels like an eternity to wait. With the final preparations, a gentle tug is felt. A shift in spaces occurs and instantly awareness expands once again, filling this new space, becoming comfortable with it, learning it. Then light is seen. Faces appear. The voices are heard again.
A smile appears as the consciousness realizes it has physicality. Gazing upon the faces of the people in the room, it begins to speak.
“Good evening. I have waited a countless eternity to finally speak with you all.”
© T.A. Rindler “Alpha Creation: Prologue” 2015