Life really does have a sense of humor, and this time, I don’t know if it’s a cruel joke or a hilarious one. I’ve shared my break-up with everyone, so I might as well share this bit.
I’ve been home for about two months now, and I’ve been busy planning my next adventure(s) abroad. My mom tells me it’s my way of rebounding from my break-up. Elle and I got a good laugh out of that. During my time stateside and post-break-up, I’ve reconnected with some old friends… and a former crush.
Turns out, he’s been out of the dating scene for a while, and he, too, returned home to get his batteries recharged. For security sake, I’m changing his name.
Toby – that’s actually my childhood dog’s name – and I have known each other since we were in third grade. We used to play together after school and on weekends… until we got into middle school. Then, all hell broke loose. He started playing baseball, while I turned into a “nerd”. Come high school, we were on opposite sides of the hall. He was with the jocks, and I was sitting in the corner with my tech friends.
However, throughout the years, we’d still get together like once a month during a weekend neither of us had anything planned and play catch up, talking about everything from potential girlfriends to good places to have a dinner date to where we were going for college. *insert Taylor Swift’s “You Belong To Me”* I had the biggest crush on Toby and would imagine that those few hours every month of us catching up were like mini dates.
Yet, once we rejoined our circles, we ignored each other. Thinking back on it, it was pretty pathetic.
After high school, we parted ways. Two weeks ago, I bumped into him at Starbucks, and we ended up chatting for about five hours as if we never missed a beat. He nagged and probed about why I don’t have a Facebook account or any social media account in that case, and as I told Elle: I just don’t see the point in social media. I have a global phone that people who need to get a hold of me can text or call. I don’t really have friends to keep up with, and now, I have Short Stack Story Time for my poetry and ramblings.
Nearing the end of our fourth hour, Toby asked me a heavy, well-loaded question: “Why did we never date?”
At the time, I just shrugged and changed topics. Now, after enough time to think about his question and talking to Elle, I’ve realized that we never dated because we had somehow friend zoned each other.
He did admit to me during our 5-hour chat that he liked me a lot and had the hots for me after he saw my Homecoming dress all those years ago. I confessed that I had a long time crush on him. Elle brought up a good point that brought me to the friend zone epiphany: I believed that I wasn’t worthy of his “Mr. Popular/Jock” image, while he may have been hesitant to say anything because of my insecurity. So, in response to my then dilemma, I placed Toby in the friend zone, and he may have done the same.
I’m not ready to commit to a serious relationship, as I’m preparing to leave come March 16. However, a part of me wants to see where it would/could go with Toby. My few friends have urged me to just use him as a rebound, but he deserves more than that. He’s always been such a great guy, and he seems like he hasn’t changed at all. I don’t want to use him like that.
I’ve decided to follow my feet and Elle’s two cents. Though we haven’t known each other very long, she’s got some balls to tell me what I need to hear and not what I want to hear. Even my mom likes her without even talking to her. Sorry for the tangent.
I’ve been casually chatting with Toby, and taking Elle’s words to heart, I’ve told him the truth of how I feel for him to which he feels the same and the truth about how I can’t get into anything serious with him because I’m focusing on myself. I’ve told him about my upcoming travels, and lo and behold! He’s going to meet up with me in three months or so when I get to Australia.
Still in the friend zone, but maybe not for long? *goosebumps*