Anonymous Confessions, Part 2

I honestly didn’t think I’d get such a positive response from the first Anonymous Confessions, but I’ve gotten an influx of interest and intel on more confessions that I can’t keep it to myself it seems. Some folks couldn’t keep off the religious and political tracks, but I do have some curious situations this time around. Care to step into the middle booth or be a fly on the wall? Read on ONLY if you’re 18+. *** READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED. ADULT CONTENT: ADULT LANGUAGE AND SEXUAL CONTENT. ***

“I know you’re an animal lover, but I need to get this off my chest. Don’t get mad at me please. When I was like eleven, I found a stray cat on the side of the road. I think its back was broken. I ran over its head with my bike and killed it. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I’m hoping it doesn’t bite me on the ass, you know?” (My response: As long as you believe you gave it a quick death. It sounds like it was struggling for a while.) “I’d like to think I killed it for the sake of eliminating its pain, you know? I still feel guilty about it though.”

“I failed my last class to graduate college, so I bribed the professor of the class with dinner, a movie, and a ‘tongue in cheek’ service to get a passing grade.”

“I took pictures of my mom in the shower and traded them with the guys at school for protection from bullies.”

“I think Miley Cyrus is hawt.” (I asked if they’re referring to her old image or new image.) “Current Miley.”

“My mom thinks my favorite food is mac-n-cheese. Specifically, her mac-n-cheese. I don’t have the heart to tell her that I hate the way she makes it. She tries so hard to make homemade mac-n-cheese, and she just fails. Do you have a recipe for homemade mac-n-cheese? I’ve seen some of your recipes. My dad’s new favorite supper is your adobo.”

“I have a crush on Rachel Ray and would love a chance to eat food off of her.”

“I didn’t know what a vibrator was until my college roommate’s ‘toy’ fell from her bed, and I stepped on it.”

“My dad has a vibrating ring, and I couldn’t figure out why he’d have a vibrating ring until I was 26.” (I asked how old they were now in 2014.) “I’m 26.”

“My friends thought it was time to break my strip club virginity, so for my 40th birthday, they took me to a strip club. Not only did I learn that my little sister is an exotic dancer, but I also met my wife of 5 years that night.”

“My 3-year-old daughter is ‘scarred’. She thinks her daddy has a disease because she walked into our bathroom to ask him a question and saw his ‘boys’. She came running into the kitchen, crying, and told me that ‘Daddy has tumors.’ I couldn’t stop laughing. My husband’s so mortified, and neither one of them can talk about what happened.”

“I overhead my son’s friends talking about how I’m a ‘MILF’, and I honestly didn’t know what the term meant, so I went to Google. Let’s just say, my son is not allowed to see those boys again. They’re all 13-14 years old.”

“I never knew how strongly my little brother hated my fiance until he screamed, “No. Stop the wedding. He’s a jerk.” when the preacher asked if there was anyone who didn’t think the ceremony should be continued.” (I asked if the wedding continued or if he succeeded.) “My mom tapped him on the back of the head, but he sort of did save me from a bad marriage. Turns out, my little brother had caught my fiance making out and fondling another girl just a week before the wedding, and it sure as hell wasn’t me. It all ended okay, though. I ended up marrying one of the groomsmen six months later. We’ve been married for 7 yrs now.”

“My husband, his two brothers, and his dad can’t change 1 dirty diaper. All four men – built like lumberjacks and football linebackers – gag, turn pale, and go running to the toilet once they open up a diaper. It’s so funny, even my 7-month-old son laughs at them.”

“I’m about ready to leave my house. My wife has been singing Christmas carols since August. I can’t take it anymore.”

“I got fired from my retail job because I refused to work Thanksgiving.”

“My dad and I have to stop my mom from going shopping on Black Friday. Last year, I don’t know if you heard about it on the news, but she was arrested for tazing someone.”

“I hope you do another confessions post. I have a good one. Well, bad one, depending on how you see it. Halloween 2014, my boyfriend and I were supposed to go as big bad wolf and little red riding hood. He was wearing a mask with the hairy paw gloves, and I was wearing this sexy outfit. We go to this club, and I run into my old high school best friend, who is also little red riding hood. We laugh about it, and our significant others came up behind us and grabbed our butts. We all laugh about it until my friend’s ‘wolf’ keeps groping her and finally says, ‘I thought yoga was doing you some good. You’re butt’s starting to get flabby.’ My friend’s eyes got all big. We both spin around and yank the masks off the ‘wolf’ standing behind us. Our boyfriends had miscalculated and groped the wrong girl. My friend was so angry that she didn’t talk to me for two weeks. We joke about it now, but my boyfriend is refusing to do anymore couples’ costumes for Halloween.”

“I fantasize about a threesome with my girlfriend and her sister. Is that normal?”

“My wife still makes fun of me about this. When I first saw Mila Jovovich’s boobs in Resident Evil, I got a boner. I was a teenager, so what, right? I still get a woody whenever I watch her movies. I don’t know how to stop it, and my wife laughs about it. But I think I got the last laugh when I pointed out to my wife that she sort of looks like Mila… body wise.”

* Stay Tuned for the next Anonymous Confessions. If you have a story to share, Feel free to drop me an email via Contact Me. I will keep your identity confidential. *

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