Anonymous Confessions

What would you say if you got a chance to confess all your secrets to someone who you know could not identify you in person? If you could tell the world something without them knowing who you were, what would you say? Would you be honest? Would you still lie? After a few weeks of collecting “confessions” and getting permission to share their secret(s), I got some really interesting stuff. I simply asked those who participated to stay away from religion and politics but everything else was fair game. So, step into the middle booth, and read on.

“I’d tell my professor I’ve had the hots for her since I was in her English 102 class my freshman year.”

“Tell my parents to get a divorce and stop pretending to be so lovey dovey. It’s getting old, and I’m tired of playing along.”

“I’m gay.” (I asked if this person had ever told anyone.) “You’re the first to know.”

“I eat steaks when I’m out with my friends.” (I asked how this is a confession.) “My whole family’s vegan.”

“I’m allergic to broccoli, but my girlfriend love the crap. I stuff them in a napkin when she’s not looking and flush it down the toilet.”

“I slept with my boyfriend’s brother.”

“I did it with my mom’s best friend… I was 24 at the time. Don’t judge. She was hot.”

“My husband and I really ‘play’ in the bedroom.” (I asked for a definition of “play”.) “Cuffs, whips, you know. Fifty Shades of Grey stuff.”

“I passed my chemistry class by cheating off of my lab partner.”

“I used to work at Starbucks and whenever pumpkin spice came out, I used to sneak some of it home every night and pour it into my own stuff.”

“I quit working at McDonald’s after a week of working in the kitchen.” (I asked if they could go into detail.) “I’ll just advise you to not eat there anymore.” (I told them I don’t.) “Good. They’re really not good for you.”

“My child with my husband turns out to not be my husband’s.” (I asked if they could explain.) “We went to a fertility clinic, and I guess they found out that my husband didn’t have healthy sperm. My husband asked his brother to donate, and that’s the sperm we used.” (I inquired why they weren’t told of this.) “My husband knew I wanted kids so bad, he didn’t want to disappoint me.” (I asked if there were any regrets.) “When I was told, yes. But in the end, I wouldn’t trade [my kid] for the world.”

“I dance around the house, naked.”

“I caught my boyfriend cooking in his underwear, wearing an apron, and singing ‘You Belong To Me’. I swore I’d never tell, but it’s just too funny to keep quiet.”

“My mom walked in on me and my boyfriend making out. All she said was ‘It’s about time. Now, we’ve got to tell your father you really are gay.’ She was way too casual about it.” (I asked how dad reacted.) “My parents both sort of knew but didn’t want to push the matter on me. They wanted me to tell them myself. I’m glad they were so accepting. I love them.”

“This may sound so cliche, but one time at a church retreat, I made out with the preacher’s daughter.” (I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.) “Wait, wait. You haven’t heard the best part yet. Two summers later, I took her virginity at another church retreat.”

“I stole a one hundred dollar bill from an ATM. It was just sitting in the cash dispenser slot, and no one was around.”

“My English teacher didn’t catch on that I had copied a paragraph from Lord of the Flies for my essay. I made an A minus on the paper.”

“I once argued with my history professor that Marc Anthony was Samson reborn. He took the whole period proving me wrong instead of teaching us. So gullible.”

“I slept with one of my daughter’s former supervisors in order to get her hired for the job she had applied for.”

“Every time my mom cooks eggplant, I force myself to eat it, but after dinner, I’m running to the bathroom to vomit.”

“My now wife but at the time girlfriend once stabbed me with adrenaline after my friend and I pulled a prank on her.” (I asked for details as it just sounded so bad.) “He shot me with a taser gun that wasn’t actually live, and I pretended to, you know, die pretty much. She freaked out, screaming her head off, and I don’t know where she got the adrenaline stick, but she stabbed me with it.”

“My dad and I were shopping at Victoria Secret for a present for my mom. He held up a thong and said in a very loud voice because I was across the store from him, ‘Honey. What about this? Would this fit?’ I was so embarrassed. I had to shout, ‘Not for mom.’ Just to take the attention from me.”

“My dad taught me how to use tampons but not in that way. He used a bagel. I still can’t eat bagels or doughnuts to this day, and I’m 27.” (I asked how old they were when it happened.) “I was 11 and had just started my first period.”

“I used to tell my little brother he was adopted.”

“Whenever I misbehaved, my mom would tell me to stop or she’d return me to my real parents. My dad would get so mad cuz I’d go running to him in tears.”

“I see dead people. No, really. I do. There’s one standing behind us right now.”

“I found out that my girlfriend’s allergic to cream cheese after she went into anaphylactic shock eating sushi.” (I asked if they saved her.) “Oh yeah. She was doing all sorts of weird hand gestures, and our waitress stabbed her with an epi pen while I was screaming for someone to call 911.”

“My mom dressed my cat up as a spider one year for Halloween. I came home and saw this thing run from the hallway to the dining room, and my mom swears to this day that I pulled an Exorcist move.” (I asked for details on what the “Exorcist move” entailed.) “You know, high pitch screaming, followed by jumping around, and my mom would tell you that she saw me climb the walls.”

“My family once left me at the water park. The place closed, and I was still wandering around. They did come back to get me. Security found me in one of the concession stands, eating a pretzel.”

 

* Stay Tuned for the next Anonymous Confessions. If you have a story to share, Feel free to drop me an email via Contact Me. I will keep your identity confidential. *

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One Response to Anonymous Confessions

  1. Pingback: Anonymous Confessions, Part 2 | Short Stack Story Time

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