What is Confidence?

Introduction/Background: I touching a bit close to home with this one. I have a friend; I haven’t known her for very long, here in Vegas, I don’t have many “friends” of my own. I share friends with my husband, since he’s the one from this area. However, in the short time that I’ve gotten to know this lady, she has become something of an inspiration to me. She is a Crohn’s Disease victim and survivor. I say victim because she still suffers from the disease, and I say survivor because she refuses to let it win and claim her life. Very little is publicly known about Crohn’s Disease, and I – myself – am still learning about this curious and dangerous disease, but through this friend of mine, I’ve seen pain, anger, fear, hope, strength, and sheer determination. She has her good and great days, but she also has her bad and ugly (evil, mean ugly) days. Her self-worth and self-esteem are a bit shot down, but it doesn’t stop her from pursuing her education, advocating and speaking out about Crohn’s, and being a sweet person in general. I know how it feels to lose the sense of “self”, and I know she feels alone every time she gets slammed with one thing or another in the health department. This is my attempt to give her a candle in the window, to shed a light at the end of her long tunnel, to let her know that I will always have her back not just through the good days but also through the bad. I don’t make many friends nowadays, but when I call you “my friend”, I’ll stick by you until the end. P.S. For someone going through Crohn’s, she’s one heck of a tough cookie!


 

“What is Confidence?”
by Elle

Standing in a crowded hall,
chatting with strangers; having a ball.
Lounging with friends, a drink in hand;
perhaps in a club with a live band.

But then –

There are days when insomnia strikes,
and body aches, fever pains take their bites
of head and body, heart and mind,
and the tunnel’s end is hard to find.

What is confidence then?

When in dark days, no friends are near,
and all the body wants is an ice cold beer.
Tears drench the pillow throughout the night,
it’s all the mind’s will to put up a fight.

So then –

Strength comes in the form of screams.
Red face and bruises, tremors and medical creams,
the body and mind, all beg to keel;
courage, power, love, and grit force the pain to heal.

What is confidence now?

A single call to missing peers;
fair weather gone, I must face my fears.
Alone and scared, I force myself to rise,
I refuse to accept my own demise.

So then –

From broken parts, I shall rebuild
myself. Planting and sowing in fertile field,
the strength and courage I mustered up
in the dark. I will rear them like a mother to pups.

What is confidence then?

A love of self, a heart mended with duct tape,
an acceptance of fear; ready to hide with a cape.
A blend of courage and anger. Then add
a pinch of weakness. Plus, a spoonful of iron-clad
strength that refuses to back away.
Now, bake it all together and let it sit for a day.

So now –

What is confidence?

It is days of my smiles and nights of my sadness.
My anger in fights, and my strength in my darkness.
It is the sunset of my fall, the sunrise of my flight; see me soar.
My name is Ashley. I am confidence. I live, I love, I roar.

© Elle Short Stack Story Time 2014

 

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